I have been thinking about making some changes to streamline my blogging a bit more and I believe that I will probably be shutting down Faith Walk and merging the content that would have fallen here back into one of my other blogs. Eventually I will put an auto-forwarding-app in place but for now you can find me at one of these places …
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She asked me that … out of the blue … right out like that … bare, bold, invasive! She was a dietitian (a skinny one at that) and I was there in her chair gazing at all the plastic food in appropriate portion sizes, squirming as she zoomed in on the center of my problem. “How are you doing spiritually?”
I shifted in my chair, hemmed, hawed, struggled to make and maintain eye contact. “Fine. Great. Really. I know God. Jesus lives in my heart. It’s all good. I’m fine.”
She raised her eyebrows and asked again. “How are you doing spiritually?”
I wondered if she was even allowed to ask me that. It just didn’t seem appropriate in this setting and I felt knocked off kilter. I was prepared to have my nutritional choices challenged but this …? “How are you doing spiritually?” The question hung in the air, taunting me, begging for an honest answer …
“Not great. Everything is falling apart. One kid has disowned us. One is making bad choices and has lost her kids. One is thousands of miles away serving the Lord. I tried to raise them right but I am struggling. Maybe I was a bad mother? Maybe it’s my fault? And guilt and regret are hanging there … blocking the path between my heart and God’s. I’m not good. I’m broken. I’m sad. I’m tired. I can’t find my way anymore.”
“You can’t go there,” she says calmly. “It isn’t your fault. They made their own choices.”
My brain knows that but my heart still struggles. And what does this have to do with weight and food anyway?
“You have to let it go. You have to stop trying to control things. Let God have them. Trust Him with the results. Kids. Family. Work. Money. Food. All of it. Give it to Him! Lay it before Him constantly.”
“Surrender, Beth. You are clinging to control and He is calling you to let go!”
I know. I know this. God has been pounding this message home for so long and I still don’t get it. It is hard for me to let go. To trust. To believe that He wants good and not harm for me. I don’t know WHY but I struggle with that! And so he tells me, over and over and over again. From pulpits. From song lyrics. From friends. From prayers. From perpetual calendars, and books, and Bible verses. Again. And again.
“Let Go. Trust me.”
How are you doing spiritually?
A Social Network Christmas is one of my very favorite tellings of the Christmas story! Have you seen it? Take a moment and enjoy ….
Music is the most constant of the constants in my life. Every car ride, every day at work, every attempt at cleaning my house, every moment in which there is not some other soundtrack, is filled with music. And today I suddenly had a thought that I can’t quite get rid of … why would any believer listen to music that does not praise, or bring them into the presence of, the Lord? I’m not trying to be argumentative here. I actually enjoy Country music in smallish doses. But think about the impact that music has on your mood/spirit. Now think about the following …
16 Always be joyful. 17 Never stop praying. 18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:18-20
15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. 17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. Colossians 3:15-17
So … if EVERYTHING that we do is to be prayerful and praise-filled … where do songs about cheating spouses and beer chugging come in? How does it inspire praise to sing along with a radio about things that we KNOW are sinful? It doesn’t. If anything it drags us away from an attitude of praise. I’m really not asserting that I think everything except praise music is evil … I’m just wondering … what’s the point? If it doesn’t praise and honor the Lord … should we be doing it at all?
What do you think?
The Relevant Conference was filled with holy moments but today I would like to share with you one in particular which touched me deeply. I don’t have my notes in front of me, so I’m not sure who was talking or exactly what her topic was, but by the end … I was fighting tears. I was telling myself … not here … not now … if you start you may never stop … and the speaker, sensing the powerful emotion in the room asked us all to stand, put a hand on the shoulder of someone near us, and pray. Stacy and I placed our hands on each other’s shoulders. Suddenly there was weeping all over the room while I continued to order myself not to join in! And then I felt a hand on my back. A moment after she touched me she began weeping and crying out to God … and my tears started to fall too. It was as if He had allowed her to feel the depth of my pain (emotional) and it was breaking her heart. Somehow having that support made it so much easier to let the tears fall and release the burden of grief that I had been carrying for so long! When the prayer time was over, and the tears were still rolling down many faces, I turned to this sister I had not yet met, but words failed me. She grabbed in a big hug and just said “Lord bless you!” We parted without more words than that. I didn’t bump into her again until the Conference was over and then she didn’t seem to recognize me. I don’t understand exactly what happened in that moment. I do know that I was trying to hold onto my all important control and God stepped in and used a gentle touch, a loving heart, and tears to both break and heal me.
It was indeed a holy moment!
S: Scripture-Write the ONE scripture that I feel God is using to speak to me.
This is what the Lord says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
who teaches you what is good for you
and leads you along the paths you should follow.
O: Observation-What might He be telling me with that scripture?
- He is God! I am not!
- He is my redeemer! I cannot save myself!
- He is my teacher. I am to be His apt student!
- He is my leader. I am supposed to follow Him!
A: Application-How can I apply it to my life?
God has been working a LOT on my control issues lately. Calling me to let go and allow Him to work. It is so hard for me to let go … even to Him, and He knows that but He keeps nudging me in that direction. My calling is to be God-reliant not self-reliant, God-centered not anything else centered. He wants me to learn from Him, which I can only do by shutting up, letting go, sitting still, and listening! And then He wants me to surrender to His leading and take the paths that He has set before me. And what’s really cool is that I am not on those paths alone. He is right in front of me, leading and lighting the way, showing me the way to go!
P: Prayer-What is my prayer to ask God in helping me to make that application?
God,
Please enable me to let go, and allow you to work, in my life, my work, my home, my family, etc. Give me the grace to trust you, the wisdom to learn from you, and the desire to follow you!
Amen
For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
There were so many wonderful things about the Relevant Conference. I am truly hoping to find a way to go again next year. But the one that I wanted to share here today was just a little thing that to me was a BIG miracle.
I don’t do well in crowds. Elevators freak me out. One of the reasons that I chose to travel to Relevant by train was that it protected my personal space. I just didn’t want to deal with a panic attack on an airplane. I was a little worried about the Conference but rationalized my ability to survive the crowd by reminding myself that I had a room in the hotel and I could step away if necessary.
The first group activity was dinner on Thursday evening. I told Stacy that I needed to sit somewhere that I could escape easily if need be so we chose our table and seating carefully. From that moment … clear through to the end of Relevant … the only time that I felt even minimally uncomfortable was the Thursday night Beach Party. And when I started to feel stressed … I left! But every meal, every keynote, every breakout session, even every elevator ride … I was at peace! I had freedom in the midst of situations that would normally reduce me to tears!
I knew that was a miracle even during the weekend but I realized anew what an incredible gift it was when I was in an elevator on my way home and I was backed into a corner, in tears, begging the women near me to give me some space. I know the Spirit of the Lord is with me wherever I go but I felt Him more deeply at Relevant!
And that was such a blessing!
This poor little blog has been suffering some serious neglect lately. Work … and life in general … have been keeping me hopping. But I have a fun story to share with you today.
J, and local children, in the Philippines 2009
Most of you know that my son J is on a mission trip in the Himalayas. We miss him a LOT but are content in knowing that he is where he is supposed to be. Anyway …
One of our work-studies came into my office a while ago and told me that she had a story to tell me. The daughter of the TU Baptist Campus Ministries Director is currently on a mission trip to New Delhi, India. She was in the home of a local family that has made missionary photo prayer cards for their 2 year old so that he will develop the habit of praying for those in ministry. (GREAT idea by the way!) So … it was time for bedtime prayers and the child sat down with his stack of cards. He looked at the first one and set it aside declaring, “Nope, I don’t like that one.” The next card in the stack was … J, my precious boy! Julie was able to pray for J with this sweet child and his family. Then she called her dad to let him know what a small world this truly is!
God is good! And I am so grateful that his people are faithful to pray!
A lot of the women that I have met in my blogging journey are Christian women who are undergoing painful struggles. There is A, who is trying to rebuild her family while her husband recovers from addiction. There is D, a mother of 9, who found out her husband had been having an affair when he had to tell her that his girlfriend was pregnant. And there is C, whose walk resounds most closely with mine as she watches her family torn asunder by an adult child making horrible choices. Christian wives and mothers wondering what on earth happened to the promises of forever and of children staying on the right path.
I have come to realize that Satan hates marriage and family … perhaps more than anything else on earth … because it is the picture that God uses, over and over, to describe who He is and the relationship that we can have in Him! He is our Father who waits patiently for us to come home when we choose rebellion. He has adopted us and made us His children. He is *Abba* who wants us to share our lives, pour out our worries and hurts, run to Him with our desires, etc. And marriage is the picture that He uses to describe Christ and the church. Satan knows he cannot attack God directly and win so he does what he can and attacks the image. He finds any possible crack or crevice and wedges himself in between parents and children, between husbands and wives.
The world is watching us! They know the image. Even atheists know “Our Father.” And so they watch … Satan knows that and so he attacks and destroys. … And we let him! We face rebellious children by fighting with our spouses. (Been there. Done that.) We protect those children from the consequences of their own choices and then berate God for not answering our prayers to turn them around!
We, Christian women, wives, mothers, need to KNOW that there is an enemy! He is real! And he wants to destroy us, our children, our families, our marriages. And he will lie, cheat and steal to do it!
Putting the adult child’s needs ahead of the needs of our spouse is flat out sin! We are one flesh with our husband … not our sons and daughters! (Trust me … this message did not come easily to me either.) When those sons and daughters start wedging their way between us and our husbands … we need to make it VERY clear to them, to our spouse, and to ourselves, that our marriage comes first! And if the adult child can not respect that … s/he needs to leave our home! They will not be allowed to cause disruption in our marriages! And if they choose to leave … so be it! Surrender them to God and start praying hard! But put your marriage first!
Even ahead of that … we have NO business disobeying God in order to protect our rebellious children! EVER! He may be planning a discipline that will shock them into turning back to Him and we step out in front of that discipline and effectively say “no God. You can’t do that to this child that I love. It will hurt him!” Shoot yeah … it will hurt! All discipline is painful but then brings forth a crop of righteousness and peace! (Hebrews 12:11) We need to stop demanding the righteousness and peace when we will not allow the discipline! By protecting our children when we should be surrendering them … WE ARE THE STUMBLING BLOCK THAT KEEPS THEM FROM GOD! And Satan laughs in delight when we beg for prayers even as we go about blocking the answers!
Our children need to see us respecting God and keeping our marriage vows no matter what! When they are in turmoil they need to know that mom and dad are a united front against Satan! (Not warring against each other! That is a distraction that we are allowing Satan to use!) They need to know that even when we will not tolerate their behavior, or allow them to disrupt our lives, that we will still come together and lay them on the altar before God, every day until the day they come home!
We need to declare, once again, that our marriages, our families, are sacred territory and that Satan is NOT welcome here! We need to be alert to his wiles and his lies, ready to block him every time he strikes, planting hedges of thorns (Hosea 2:6) around our lives daily through the Word, through prayer, through commitment, honor, and LOVE! It’s the only way we can win. The only way to protect our marriages and our children. The only way to make sure that when the world looks at our lives … they see Jesus!
S: Scripture-Write the ONE scripture that I feel God is using to speak to me.
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:2-4, The Message
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4, NLT
O: Observation-What might He be telling me with that scripture?
God has a purpose … even for pain … and He will use every circumstance in my life to grow me stronger in faith and closer to His image!
A: Application-How can I apply it to my life?
I have spent a lot of the last few years resenting my circumstances. Some are results of my own bad choices. (Financial, health, etc.) Others I have absolutely no control over (family, job, etc.) and yet they have impacted my life. Stress has been huge as we feel like we leapfrog from crisis to crisis with no time to rest in between.
I think it’s okay that some of these circumstances break my heart. I believe that God’s heart breaks too as He watches some of the things that have happened in my life over the last couple of years. It’s okay, healthy even, for me to be sad. It is NOT okay for me to surrender to despair!
Honestly … I can FEEL growth in my faith walk as I have gone through these trials. I see, even in the ones that have no resolution and no end in sight, that He has used horrible things for my good! He has made me more tolerant, less judgmental, (my kids might argue that point), more patient, more willing to acknowledge that His will is not necessarily mine. He has, as promised, made me stronger, better equipped to endure.
I would LOVE it if I woke up tomorrow and everything was resolved. All my debts paid. My adult children safe and secure (in all ways). My family healed and whole. Our physical health restored. My body slim and rejuvenated. That would be awesome beyond description and I would absolutely praise the Lord for His goodness! I don’t expect those things to happen though. Even so … I will praise Him for He is good! He is carrying me through the storms. And He is making me strong!
P: Prayer-What is my prayer to ask God in helping me to make that application?
Father God,
You ARE good and I know that you have good plans for me and you are working good even through my hard times. I confess that I have fought You. I have failed to see Your goodness in the midst of my pain. Help me Lord, to see you and your hand more clearly, to follow your lead and be thankful for your purpose!
I love you, Lord!
Amen
